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Christmas Lesson Ideas

If you are running out of lessons to do with your class, why not look at these suggested by Gareth. 

There is surely no better way to celebrate Christmas in the classroom than by acknowledging the fact we overstuff our bodies to the point of becoming a human turducken before allowing the very same festive poultry to make a rectal departure from our bodies.

Kids love Christmas and kids love poo, so (…bear with me. This is leading somewhere…) why not combine the two concepts in the classroom.

You could do a science lesson on healthy Christmas diet (a laughable suggestion) and/or the digestive system.

You could do a maths lesson calculating a Christmas feast budget and the subsequent toilet paper costs.

You could do a music lesson with the Sunny Cowgirls’ song celebrating seasonal overeating – albeit the song references ‘spew’ not ‘poo’.

Or (…this is what I’ve been leading to…) you could do a literacy lesson involving these two soon-to-be modern classics The Dinosaur Who Pooped Christmas and Father Christmas Comes Up Trumps (the auspicious sequel to Father Christmas Needs a Wee).

The Dinosaur Who Pooped Christmas

Probably the more entertaining of the two, this book is written by Dougie Poynter and Tom Fletcher of McFly. It follows the journey of a greedy boy who is taught a lesson when a hungry dinosaur is delivered to him by Santa Claus.

Why not use this in the classroom as a starter, followed by the construction of some dinosaur piñatas filled with various Christmas things the prehistoric reptile can excrete as in the story. Or dress the children up as dinosaurs before filling them with Christmas class party food and sending them to the lavatory for a plenary task. (Note: Time this second task properly. Last year I didn’t correctly regulate the Year 6’s consumption of crisps and halfway through the Christmas disco one child emptied his guts on the dance floor.)

Father Christmas Comes Up Trumps

At the opposite end of the digestive scale is this book which deals with the rather taboo topic of how Father Christmas deals with toilet stops during his delivery. Turns out he doesn’t stop. In fact he verges on constipation holding in a fart for the entire Christmas Eve journey delivering presents.

This book obviously also lends itself towards a science lesson looking at gases. Recently one cheeky student suggested that ‘farts’ were a gas. Not one to let toilet humour take over my flow of teaching I quickly corrected him with a glaring stare and told him the correct word was ‘methane’. This I followed up by showing a Steve Spangler science experiment involving methane bubbles.

So don’t tire yourself with the same old classroom Christmas this year; because as they say, “You can’t polish a turd. But you can roll it in glitter” and this in turn can be attached to a paperclip and strung to a tree branch. Poo and Christmas really are the most natural combination for your next defecation celebration.

Merry Christmas and a Nappy Poo Rear.

Tags: Gareth, Secondary, London, Australia

Category: Australian Teachers

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